Memories--Time to let all bad ones go

i'm just getting all out. the way i tried to get them out backfired on me so i'ma do it this way

1. witnessing the abuse of my aunt from my uncle when she had breast cancer
2. watching her die as the result because he wouldn't get her treated even when the cancer literally was the size of an orange coming out of her breast
3. my father leaving me and my brother alone to go get high and fuck around with some chicks
4. my mom and dad always arguing about money being spent up
5. my father committing suicide.
6. my grandparents alienating me
7. my grandmother reminding me how my dad did drugs and how it's my fault it happened
8. being ridiculed for missing a parent
9. seeing my father on the news after his suicide
10. my step-fathers alcohol abuse
11. my step father abusing me because of the alcohol
12. CPS being called on my mom
13. Anthony Michael Preacher II. Enough said
14. no longer suffering physical abuse but now suffering verbal and mental abuse
15. my cousin dying from a train wreck
16. going to college
17. being cheated on in 2006
18. being blamed for everything wrong and complained about
19. apparently failing as a mother and wife
20. dealing with alcohol abuse all over again this time towards my child becuase of enablement and misjudgment
***Edit April 5, 2009***
21. CPS being called on me
22. Someone using me as a scapegoat to their own problems created before i was anywhere in the future.

and here i am to February 7, 2009 full of fear and confusion