Saturday, April 4, 2009
I finally decided to let everything go i was dealing with. Me and Bear talked finally after a few years of pent up feelings. The talk has come up before but seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. But this time seemed different. The look in his eye was different as well. The look was filled with sincerity and empathy for what i was feeling. It felt good to get all of that pain i was carrying on my shoulders for the past 4 years and get the closure i needed. The weird part is that it came out dealing with a conversation about housework. You see, I've always been a weird child. A Maniac in my mind. I for some reason cannot come clean with my true feelings an it seems to take something else to happen to make my feelings flood out. I'm still trying to figure out why that happens. Right now things on the back side of me are happening and my new found happiness is turning back into depression an for some reason the block went up. But this time it's a decision thing. The situation at hand I'm not sure if i should talk about it especially when i was told not to or if Bear should know. its starting to seem as if my little pocket of sunshine is fading away from me. i think it's time for me to take a visit to my dad's grave and have a little talk with God.